"Oh Maw Brown, awk no again."
"Now Paw brown, just dae as your telt."
"But Ma brown, aye canny breath in that mask?"
"Ask, you'll be the death of me yet."
"Ask, flaming Covid-19 it's ruining me bleeding football game!"
"I'll have less of ya lip."
"Well Maw Brown, am sick of Nicol Surgan, see just wants attention."
"Well Mr Brown, she's saving ya bacon"
"What bacon? Thought it was sausages for ma tea."
"Well there's nought... it's been cremated."
By Rosalind Alexander
The Bugle 