JUDAS
To the head of covert operations in Judea,
Dear sir, it has come to my attention that a plot is afoot to have Jesus arrested when he attends the Temple during high Festival. I urge you not to go ahead with this plan. You are surly aware that the heretic holds a high regard in public opinion. Many thousands have turned out to see his arrival, in expectation that these events herald the beginning of a new age. His arrest may prove the trigger for insurrection you so fear.
I recommend that you await night fall. Jesus keeps a small group of friends at such times. They are unlikely to have the skill or resource to put up sustained resistance. I will find my moment to leave the company, then lead you to them. This will enable the arrest to happen quietly, hidden from the eyes of the expectant.
When Jerusalem wakes to find the rebel already imprisoned, the cult of messiahship that has developed around him will quickly dissipate and he may be disposed of as you see fit.
I do wish to raise, however, that following the disbandment of the Jesus movement, my source of income and support will disappear with it. I therefore request that for this offer, which is given at considerable risk to my person, be reasonably compensated. I suggest that thirty pieces of silver would be seen as ample reward. You can be assured that my loyalty will be included in the price.
Kind regards,
Judas Iscariot
THE NAKED YOUNG MAN (Mark 14:51-52)
To whom it may concern,
Good day to you. I trust you are well, and please find with this letter you cloak which misfortune occasioned me to take last night. I do not want to suggest that my actions were in any way excusable, but I wish to at least offer some explanation along with the sincere hope that your cloak’s temporary absence has not caused you inconvenience.
I am a visitor in Jerusalem, having travel from a city which I shall not disclose (in the interested of anonymity). You are no doubt aware of the arrival of the holy man Jesus of Nazareth in the city. We had heard in my locale he was perhaps the Messiah who would return Israel to the throne of David. This was of intense interest to my family, as following a legal dispute, the occupation had confiscated some land belonging to my father-in-law. This caused much distress as the land was to be used as a dowry for my wife’s young sister, and since its it confiscation, her betrothed, who was considered an excellent match, had called off the engagement. It was hoped the land could quickly be restored to us so as he would not seek the hand of another during the intervening time. I had been dispatched to Jerusalem in order to gain audience with this Jesus, with aspiration that, in the new kingdom, this matter might be seen as something of a priority.
Alas, my journey was one of many frustrations, and I did not arrive in the city before a large crowd had gathered to welcome him and I saw no hope of opportunity to speak with him. I made my way to my lodgings, where tired from travel, I placed my worn under garments in the care of my landlady. However, upon opening my belongings, I discovered an amphora of olive oil, which I was to give the new king as a gift to seek his favour, had come loose, allowing the oil to infiltrate my change of clothes. The hour was getting late, but as it was still warm, the sensation of placing my over-garment on my body alone was not displeasurable to me, and so thus attired I made my way into the street to seek the house at which this Jesus was residing.
Upon finding the abode, I was disappointed to discover the dinner was already in commencement and the door was locked against me. I secured a little food and wine at a nearby hostelry and settled on the step of the house opposite to await a point I might gain entry. The bread and alcohol must have gone to my head after such a long day, as it appears I soon nodded off, and was only awoken as the remanent of Jesus party made their way down the street having left the house.
Already hearing my wife’s displeasure for my failure in my ears (she is awfully fond and fretful of her sister) I made my way a little distance behind them. Jesus and a few of his men made their way beyond the city walls to garden, where it seemed to my surprise that our apparent saviour was in some distress. Not seeing the moment as appropriate to make my petition, I held back further, and watched as he sent up cries of anguish, and upon reapproaching his men, rebuked them, for they had fallen into slumber. At last, the tension seemed to clear, and I felt free to make my approach. To my horror, however, once I had made my way onto the open road, I found myself not only in front the man whom I had sought, but also a patrol of Roman soldiers, who it soon transpired had arrived to place him under arrest. I was quick to protest my insignificance in the whole affair, but the most alarming fracas soon developed in which a Roman grabbed at my outer garb, which sadly tore from my back. Given the days earlier mishaps, this left me quiet naked and some distance from my accommodation; a position that was not only humiliating but also, as I went to hide amongst the city streets, somewhat conspicuous. It was therefore with great relief that I came upon your robe drying on the line, which through unfortunate necessity as I hope you will see, I felt obliged to avail myself of.
The cloak is now however returned, and I enclose a denarius for your trouble. I now return home with little to hope for, but to put this whole sorry affair behind me and that it will be an occurrence that history forgets.
Yours,
A traveller
The Bugle 